Relate, Relax, Release

I know I need to work on my bloguency but these past few days/wks have had my mind dealing with a serious case of avoidance to where my days just started blending into each other- like a blank tape that u keep playing over & over cause you’re sure there’s something recorded on it. I had countless people @ work ask me today if I was sick, tired, or ok because I definitely didn’t look or sound my normal self. Granted, I’m decent @ putting on the face & not letting my circumstances get to me, but even that’s fading. At the moment I was about to answer, I new I had hit a point- the point where I didn’t even care to answer. The point where it's so much going on that the sanity comes from pushing them aside for a minute & not even thinking about them, though u know that when you get back to facing it all, it’ll empty you out. I’m talking about facing the smaller things, (wanting to have a man around, multiple financial setbacks etc) to the bigger things, (career, family issues etc) to the life just slow the FU@# down (life threatening sickness, death). Knowing you have people that care about & love you but still feeling like the loneliest soul on the planet. Reaching for any form of escape even if for just a moment. Just wanting to breathe but feeling like the very breath u’re seeking to sustain you will choke you. A point where you don’t even feel like you have the faith to tap into your faith.
I swear if feels like a quarter life crisis. The only thing certain is the uncertainty and discomfort. I’m a big girl so I'll have to suck it up & get up. I'll post more soon but until then bear with me while I reach for my point of release.............